I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
