worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
