I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
