i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize