You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
