Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
