i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
