It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
