my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
tell me about the eggs
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
