just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
