Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
