im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
