I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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