Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
