He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
