i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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