Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
