The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Randomize
