Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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