I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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