If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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