If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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