Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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