Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
