You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i dont even know how to be here
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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