I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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