He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His nipple licking is glorious
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