Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
