im so drunk with asians
where?
always
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
