there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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