Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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