is your mom at the bar?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
