Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
