she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
