If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
honey bunches of taint.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
