Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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