He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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