Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
