Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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