I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize