my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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