all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
