You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Houston, we have a blender
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
