The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.