just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.