Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.