shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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