the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I sprained my soul last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize