Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
