The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
