even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
