I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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