so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
