Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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