He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
