if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
