At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
