His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
