Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
