i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
