Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
