You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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