I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
