I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
