is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
