I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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