If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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