i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
