I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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