I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
