That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
