i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
